Some folks wonder why the veterans feel so guilty.
They've been through the trenches, not chasing fame or fortune. From external battles to civil wars, and then onto peaceful borders, they returned home not seeking any accolades. Once back, most ended up with shattered families; parents and wives lost to starvation or illness. The strong cultural ties back home only amplify the pain when they see their village worse off than before. Reflecting on their sacrifices for ideals and slogans, many of these veterans live with a sense of brokenness throughout their lives.
You can check out Chen Baoguo's portrayal of Emperor Wu of Han, visiting his hometown and getting scolded by a veteran leaning on a cane. Reality is harsher than the dramas; those who stayed in the forces fared better than those who returned, as the latter spent most of their lives in agony, far from the narratives in textbooks or TV shows.
A couple of years back, I came across a blogger visiting veterans from that era. When they asked an old soldier about his proud moments with the party, the old man suddenly lit up, spouting various cultural gems. Many from that time can’t forgive themselves. My grandpa's cousin was one of them; after enlisting, his son drowned while trying to catch fish to feed the family, and his wife and parents died from famine. When he returned, he broke down mentally, spending his life cycling around to visit relatives. Many pointed fingers at him, and now I think he must carry a lot of guilt.
The dramas and textbooks we see are just beautified art pieces; reality is brutal. My grandpa came back after the civil war; for him, it was a torment. He would rather be a deserter than participate in the civil war, but even deserting was tough. Standing over 1.8 meters tall, he knew he would be caught the moment he took off his uniform; he was too noticeable and got nabbed within days. A letter from a former trench mate who became a high-ranking officer helped him out, acting as a sort of pass.
Later, that officer's son recalled his father's words on a TV show, and it clicked why my grandpa got a break; the son reminisced about how his father would dream of parents and children seeking him out.
Less time with the stories in books; most folks from that time were in a state of brokenness.
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