Today, I don’t know what got into me; I deposited 20 bucks.

Oh, I just remembered. I had a liquidation experience with 4k before. On the first day, I used 20x leverage, flipping 4k to 20k. Then on the second day, I got liquidated. (At that time, I made a few thousand in the fund market and another few thousand in the stock market, then got a bit too cocky. I started seeing money as just numbers, not treating it like my own cash.)

I initially said I wouldn’t trade anymore, but I clearly don’t learn my lesson.

Looks like Binance is back on the radar lately. I’m justifying it to myself by saying I can leverage three times to long the Nasdaq. I’m on Alipay, and I bought over 10k in Nasdaq, and the returns are pretty solid. With a three times long, the average annual return on Nasdaq is 45%. The A-shares market is definitely not worth trading.

Later on, I ended up buying $200 worth, going long on a triple-leveraged Nasdaq ETF.

Then I thought Micron and ARM would definitely rise today. I figured they should be stable since they’re linked to real market assets. But both trades didn’t yield much profit because volatility was low, and I only held them briefly—I'm not that patient. Unconsciously, I ended up checking out a few that were skyrocketing. I saw them hitting new highs, so I thought they’d keep climbing. I wanted to wait for a dip to go long again. It seemed like every time I hit $20, I was making about 50% or 40% profit, so I exited. From $20, it soared to $80; that happened over three trades. I kept buying in after it hit a short-term low and then selling once I set a target because I was using 20x leverage. A tiny fluctuation of even 1% would trigger a sale. Honestly, this stuff is really addictive; I love the thrill of the volatility. But how did I get wrecked with my last $20? It was hovering at a high point, stuck in a very narrow range. I saw it wasn’t dropping, so I moved my buy point slightly higher, but it was still low. Suddenly, it crashed without warning. Just like that, I was wiped out. The crypto scene is already super volatile, and then you add leverage.

So, did I learn anything from this?

My first trade involved a huge amount of leverage, and I went all-in.

Then I started learning to set take-profit orders.

If it goes up by 50%, I usually take my profits and expand my capital, so the next time I can achieve greater returns. I feel it’s more solid to take short-term gains rather than waiting for it to rise and then fall.

But I didn’t learn to set stop-losses. Initially, I thought as long as my capital grew, I could cut my losses in time, and when I was down by half, I thought about exiting. I felt that even if I exited, I wouldn't lose anything. But I hesitated, holding onto a bit of hope, thinking, 'It won’t get liquidated, right?'

Then later, I ended up getting liquidated.

Then I learned that if I hadn’t gone all-in, I wouldn’t have lost so much. If I'd used half my position instead, I wouldn’t have been left with nothing. If I had set both take-profit and stop-loss orders when buying, I would’ve been better off. At first, I focused too much on taking profits and locking in gains. Later, I realized that managing position size and cutting losses is more important than just taking profits; you can't just make one trade and call it a day. If I wanted to keep trading, my previous methods would inevitably lead to liquidation. That’s when I truly understood that controlling my position size and curbing my greed are crucial. Can you secure profits and protect your capital? I finally got it—why do so many people with tons of cash end up completely broke overnight? Even when they have way more money than I do, they can end up as poor as anyone else after a liquidation. They didn’t put their money elsewhere. Some might ask why they don’t save a bit when they’re winning, but others would say if they always held onto their winnings, they wouldn’t be able to roll over and grow their capital. They often have a strong gambling instinct and a huge addiction.

As someone who isn’t very wealthy, I think this could be the shortcut to achieving financial freedom. But I can’t invest too much money until my skills mature; I need to curb my greed and reflect regularly. In this high-volatility market, frequent trading is risky, and if I lose money, it’s just part of the game. My money is still money. If I get addicted and it affects my studies and daily life, I won’t just miss out on profits; I could end up worse off. Once you experience this kind of intense dopamine rush, it’s hard to settle down and focus on smaller tasks that yield immediate results. It can severely impact my values, mindset, and outlook on life. I can’t let this ruin my life. I also can’t get hooked on it; I need to keep it rational and view it as a means of asset appreciation. If I’m not capable of managing these cryptocurrencies, I should focus on investing in the stock market, particularly the Nasdaq index. I need to limit my trading frequency and reflect regularly, avoiding regret every time I get liquidated. Learning from experiences and summarizing them is key.

I might just be a person with poor execution power, but I’m sensitive to AI information gaps and the acquisition of concepts and ideas. I learn about stocks and finance quickly.

I know my execution power is lacking; that’s something I need to improve.

But I feel like I've learned a lot in this financial market. You've got to take profits when they're there and cut losses when necessary. Learning to control risk and position size is crucial. These things are important in my life, too. Taking profits means locking in today’s costs, solidifying good habits. Cutting losses means promptly getting rid of bad habits and wasteful efforts. Plus, I can’t put all my eggs in one basket; I need to learn and observe from various angles.

I’m 20 years old, in my prime, and I can’t become a gambler. I approach this trying to treat it as a skill, a tool, a low-risk method to achieve wealth appreciation. I won’t let sunk costs affect my decisions and judgments; I’ll view it rationally.

As a software engineering student, if I study hard, my monthly salary should exceed $10,000, and I don’t have a strong desire to spend. I could save a lot of money. If I save hundreds of thousands over ten years from age 20 to 30 and invest it all in the Nasdaq—without buying property or cash flow-draining cars, and avoiding unnecessary expenses—I could live a smooth life, marry a good wife, and have a great son, living peacefully. But if I get addicted to gambling or these high-risk returns and the dopamine rush at a young age...

Every year, I keep pouring in endless amounts of cash. This habit of mine might be worse than those who go out to chase girls every day, or those who splurge on big-ticket items, or even smoke, drink, and chew betel nuts. Although I don't have those bad habits, I absolutely cannot let this money-making path I’ve recognized turn into a destructive machine for my future, crushing my life opportunities.

Well, that's it for today.

Fortunately, today I didn’t lose money to complain about; instead, I turned it into experience for reflection. I decided to take a three-month break from trading crypto and virtual currencies. I won’t mess with high leverage either. I’ll focus on buying tokenized securities of US stocks and triple-leveraged Nasdaq ETFs. If I want to enjoy the rush of money or the thrill of addiction, I can’t treat it like a game. I’d rather get hooked on gaming than on this. I’ll try to keep it rational. I’ll attempt virtual trading, simulated trading. Exchanges should have that feature. I shouldn’t waste my youth and money with real cash.

A lot of people might think $20 isn’t much—just a drop in the bucket or skipping a meal. But when I think about it, the sunk cost feels like a bitter pill. Every loss makes me recall the times I lost over $4,000. It feels like I’m nailed to a shame pole, like I’m being told I can’t hack it. I come from a small county family where both my parents are wage earners. It’s been tough for them to support my college education. So I feel like I should keep myself in check. I’ve already started learning about healthy eating, losing weight, and building muscle for my future body, which is an important asset. I’m learning to apply makeup and dress well, to manage my skin and acne. My desk and wardrobe are gradually getting rid of clutter; I’m learning to live simply and keep things clean. I’m slowly improving myself. I can’t afford to lose what I’ve achieved through self-discipline. So facing cryptocurrencies, I need to stay calm.

I hope the big players don't laugh at me for having little money. I’m just a kid from a poor family, and using my parents’ money for this makes me feel guilty.