On Chicken Island, the midday sun is as scorching as if it's blazing.
Wu Liuqi pushed his seafood cart down the street, the fish on it their eyes gleaming white from the sun. He yelled at the top of his lungs, "Seafood at 90% off! A fire sale price! Buy fish, get shrimp free—"
"Here's a shovel!" A market vendor splashed a ladle of water from washing fish at me. "Your fish is so stiff it's practically dead, even a dog wouldn't want to feed it!"
Ah Qi jumped up to dodge, her Sichuan accent spilling out in her haste: "Oh dear, Auntie, don't be so fierce! This fish is asleep, fast asleep!"
"Sleep your head off!" The broom came crashing down on his head.
Ah Qi scurried away, covering his head, and just as he turned the corner, he almost stepped on a white, fuzzy thing.
-----------------------------------
Head down.
A snow-white Shiba Inu was squatting in the middle of the road, with a cardboard sign in front of it that read in dog-scrawl:
Professional knife and scissor sharpening, a century-old brand in Sichuan, is offering 20% off assassin weapons, plus a free spicy seasoning packet.
Ah Qi blinked: "Dogs...dogs can sharpen knives?"
"I am not a dog, I am a dog immortal, I am a beast that devours the heavens."
Kurumi opened his mouth with a Sichuan accent full of salt and pepper, "Your scissors are rusted like a ghost, need a sharpening?"
Ah Qi instinctively covered his back—there was his "ordinary" pair of scissors tucked there.
How did you know I had scissors?
“That mark on your back looks like it’s been branded with scissors for years.”
Kurumi picked at his ear with his paw. "Will you let me rub it or not? If not, I'm leaving. It's unbearably hot."
Ah Qi hesitated for three seconds before handing over the scissors.
Kurumi took it and scraped the blade with the tip of his claw.
"Sizzle—"
Sparks flew high into the air.
"Yo ho."
Its eyes lit up. "Millennial cold iron plus meteorite sand, forged with seventeen layers of seals—you must have been a formidable character before."
Ah Qi's expression changed: "You—"
He hadn't finished speaking.
-----------------------------------
"Whoosh whoosh whoosh!"
Three poisoned darts shot from the alley behind us, aimed straight for our backs!
Ah Qi turned to the side, and the scissors snapped open, clamping the dart with a speed that seemed almost instinctive.
He turned around, and three people emerged from the shadows of the alley—the Iron-Blooded Trio, ranked over 800th on the assassin list, specializing in dirty work.
The burly man, carrying a door panel and a giant blade, grinned and said, "Wu Liuqi, someone's willing to pay for your head."
"Buy my mother's fried dough twists!"
Kurumi suddenly started cursing, "Can't you see I'm talking business? Get lost!"
The three of them were taken aback.
The woman playing cards squinted: "A talking dog... we could catch it and sell it for a fortune."
The tall, thin man made his move immediately, his poisonous fingernails tearing towards Kurumi's neck!
Kurumi didn't even bother to lift its eyelids, and just flicked its paw in the air:
"Certainly."
The tall, thin man stood frozen in place, still in a forward-leaning posture, his eyes wide open.
"You know acupressure?!" the poker woman exclaimed.
"I'll give you a good beating."
Kurumi waved his claw, "This is a magic spell—'Transformation and Freedom: Immobilization Technique'."
It stood up, shook its fur, and spoke even more fluent Sichuan dialect: "I'm in a good mood today, so I'll show you a special skill."
Clasping their hands together.
Behind him, a golden body hundreds of feet tall suddenly appeared—three heads and six arms, its face blurred, but its oppressive aura caused the entire street's stone slabs to crack!
"Otherworldly Transformation, Dharma Form of Heaven and Earth!"
The burly man's massive blade clattered to the ground.
The poker woman scattered her cards all over the floor.
The tall, thin man couldn't move, but his crotch was wet.
The Dharma Body pressed down with all six arms at the same time. Before it even touched anyone, the three people were forced to the ground by the shockwave, lying prostrate and unable to move.
Kurumi withdrew his divine form, leaving six palm-shaped craters in the street.
It went back and continued sharpening the scissors: "Done. Thanks, five yuan."
-----------------------------------
Ah Qi's mouth was open, and he couldn't close it for a long time.
"What...what exactly are you?"
"Just passing by."
Kurumi sharpened the scissors with a "snip-snip" sound. "Your scissors, the first seal is broken—now they can cut steel plates. Want to unlock them all? More money."
Ah Qi pulled out a crumpled five yuan note: "Here's some for now..."
"Okay." Kurumi took the money, slapped the scissors with her paw, and said, "Second layer, open!"
The scissors rang out with a "clang," and their blades gleamed with eerie blue runes.
"Now it can cut through low-level magical artifacts."
It threw the scissors back. "Come on, take me to your assassin's den. I heard those idiots on your list are all incredibly arrogant?"
-----------------------------------
Da Bao J Hair Salon.
Chicken Da Bao looked at the white dog Ah Qi brought back, his sunglasses sliding down to the tip of his beak: "Ah Qi, we're assassins (disguised as hairdressers), not pet shop owners!"
“It can talk,” Ah Qi said.
"They also possess magical abilities."
Kurumi added, "I'm here to top the leaderboard—you assassins, starting from number 100, I'll take you down."
Chicken Big Bao covered his face with his wings: "It's over, Ah Qi's brain has finally gone mad..."
"It's not broken."
Kurumi jumped onto the barber chair. "I'm in a hurry, so tonight we'll start with number one hundred—'Poison Widow' Lilith, right? Let's go."
-----------------------------------
Nighttime Bar.
Lilith crossed her legs, the venom in the test tube between her fingers a chilling, eerie green.
The subordinate reported in a low voice: "The Iron-Blooded Trio has fallen, fallen to a dog."
"A dog?" Lilith licked her lips. "The venom glands should be able to extract—"
The door was kicked open.
Ah Qi walked in, and Kurumi squatted on his shoulder.
"Good evening." Ah Qi scratched his head. "Someone hired me to kill you."
Lilith paused for a moment, then burst into laughter: "Wu Liuqi, have you lost your memory and gone mad? Just you and a dog?"
Kurumi jumped down, hands on his hips: "Let me correct you, it was me adding a burden."
Lilith's eyes turned cold as she flicked the stopper off the test tube.
The poisonous fog instantly spread!
"Hold your breath!" Ah Qi urged.
"Screw your ass." Kurumi opened her mouth and inhaled—
"call!"
It sucked up all the poisonous fog in one gulp, and even burped: "The taste is great, but the purity isn't high enough."
Lilith's pupils dilated in shock: "You..."
"What do you mean, 'you'?"
Kurumi drew runes in mid-air with his claws, a golden rune flashing, "Let me show you what real poison is—Immortal Technique: Grass-Character Sword Art: Poison Ivy Version!"
The ground exploded, and nine pitch-black poison vines burst forth from the soil, each covered with barbs and eyes, instantly binding Lilith like a dumpling!
When the poison ivy pierces the skin, what's injected isn't poison, but... spicy essential oil?
Lilith screamed, "Aaaaaah! It's so numb! It's so spicy!"
"A specialty of Chongqing, ghost pepper essential oil." Kurumi grinned. "Isn't it great?"
"Awesome... Awesome my ass! I surrender! I surrender!"
The token was thrown over.
Kurumi put away the poison ivy: "You should have said so earlier. By the way, the proportions of your poison recipe were wrong. You added 0.3 grams too much bone-corroding herb—be careful next time."
-----------------------------------
The next three days.
The assassin rankings are in turmoil.
The ninety-ninth, "Iron Fist" Lei Ba, was blown to a deserted island overseas by a dog using the "Kunpeng Treasure Technique," and it took him three days to swim back.
The 98th place winner, Nightingale, the "Shadow Dancer," had her prized stealth technique seen through at a glance by "Double Pupils - Illusion Breaker," and ended up squatting on the roof and crying all night.
97th place, "Explosives Genius" Jack, whose bombs were turned back into raw materials by the "Reincarnation Technique", which angered him so much that he immediately changed careers to sell hardware.
Ah Qi's ranking is skyrocketing.
Chicken Da Bao looked at the mountain of surrender tokens and his wings trembled: "If you do this... you're going to ruin the industry's reputation!"
"So what if it collapses?"
Kurumi is using scissors to remove the eighth layer of seal from Ah Qi. "Assassins are also workers, they should have social security—I'm pushing for legislation (an assassin labor law)."
Ah Qi, holding the increasingly hot scissors, suddenly said, "I... remembered something."
"explain."
"I am the Shadow Assassin, codename 'Seven'. These scissors... belong to a little girl."
"And then?"
"Then I should have killed her, but I didn't. I was surrounded and attacked, severely injured and lost my memory, and ended up on Chicken Island."
"Old-fashioned," Kurumi commented, "but classic."
With a swipe of its claws, the scissors completed the eighth layer of unsealing with a "clang," and spatial runes appeared on the blade.
"Now it can cut through spatial cracks as thin as a hair—that's enough."
-----------------------------------
Seven days later, in a foggy canyon on the border of Xuanwu Kingdom.
Chicken Big Bao flapped his wings and said, "There are at least thirty assassins inside, from the 100th to the 70th, forming a 'hunting alliance' waiting for us!"
"Thirty?" Kurumi pulled out his notebook. "Perfect, I need test subjects for my (draft labor law) experiment."
Step into the thick fog.
In an instant, a murderous aura surged forth!
Hidden weapons came flying from all directions!
Ah Qi wielded his scissors to create a blue screen, blocking out all the clanging and banging.
"Three on the left, five on the right, twelve in front, and ten in the back."
Kurumi sniffed, "There are three more in the sky—wow, quite a sight!"
A cold laugh came from the mist: "Wu Liuqi, you've got some nerve."
"He even brought a dog? So it can be buried with him when it dies?"
Thirty figures appeared.
Leading the group was a one-eyed old man, ranked seventieth, known as "Thousand Transformations" Mo Lao.
"I'll give you two choices," Old Mo said in a sinister voice. "One, commit suicide. Two, become mincemeat."
Kurumi jumped to the front.
"I'll give you two choices too."
It raised its claws and said, "First, sign this (Assassin's Labor Rights Protection Agreement) and then crawl. Second, I'll beat you until you sign it, then crawl."
-----------------------------------
The entire venue fell silent for three seconds.
Then they burst out laughing.
"This dog has gone mad!"
"Kill it! Use its hide to make a coat!"
Kurumi sighed.
"Looks like we'll have to choose option two."
It slammed its schoolbag to the ground.
He formed a mudra with his hands and chanted incantations—in Sichuan dialect:
"Heaven and Earth, the Mysterious Origin of All Qi—Transform for me!"
Immortal Technique: Free Transformation - Three Thousand Illusory Bodies!
"Boom boom boom—!"
Three thousand Kurumi clones exploded in the fog! Each one was lifelike, some playing mahjong, some eating hot pot, and some practicing Tai Chi—instantly surrounding the thirty assassins!
"What kind of sorcery is this?!" Old Mo exclaimed in surprise.
"Fuck you!" The three thousand clones spoke simultaneously, their voices overlapping and shaking the ground. "This is a celestial technique—the Desolate Heavenly Emperor's Great Art of Transformation, do you understand?"
The clones swarmed forward.
It wasn't a fight.
It is teaching.
A clone pins down an assassin: "You have a herniated disc, kid. Don't be an assassin anymore, go do massage."
One grabbed the other: "You have late-stage tenosynovitis, if you keep throwing knives, your hand will be ruined."
The third one pulled out a silver needle: "Your cervical spine is dislocated, I'll give you a needle—ouch, the needle broke, your neck is too stiff."
Thirty assassins were "diagnosed" one by one by three thousand clones within three minutes, with bone setting, acupuncture, and the application of ointments. Incidentally, each of them was given a book (a guide to changing careers).
Mo Lao was held down by ten clones and forced to put his fingerprint on the agreement.
“Now, admit defeat and crawl.” Kurumi withdrew his clone.
The thirty assassins looked at each other, glancing at the plaster in their hands, the agreement, and then at the white dog.
He silently handed over the token and slunk away.
Ah Qi held the token, his expression complicated: "That's... all?"
"Otherwise what?"
Kurumi jumped onto his shoulder. "Come on, let's go to your headquarters—I heard the char siu rice in the cafeteria is delicious."
-----------------------------------
Xuanwu Kingdom, the main hall of the Assassin's Headquarters.
Chicken Da Bao fainted as the bronze door closed behind him.
All five hundred assassins, from sixty-ninth to first place, are present.
On the highest throne, the masked leader, "Shadowless," spoke in a cold voice: "Wu Liuqi, you've finally arrived."
"And Lao Tzu too."
Kurumi jumped forward, "I heard your cafeteria's char siu rice is pretty good?"
The leader paused for a moment: "Do dogs eat too?"
"Dogs can hit people."
Kurumi grinned. "Give it a try?"
The murderous aura exploded instantly!
Five hundred assassins simultaneously targeted the man and his dog.
Kurumi smiled.
It put down its schoolbag and stretched.
He raised his hands, forming an ancient and simple hand seal—the moment the hand seal was formed, the air in the entire hall seemed to freeze.
“I didn’t want to use this trick,” it said softly, “but there are too many of you.”
"Celestial Arts—"
"The Grass-Character Sword Technique: Ten Thousand Swords Return to Their Origin!"
"boom--!!!"
The dome of the hall exploded, and countless golden blades of grass rained down from the sky! Each blade of grass was a sword, sharp enough to cut through light! Ten thousand swords hung in the air, their tips pointing downwards, aimed at the five hundred assassins!
"cut."
A single word spoken softly.
A thousand swords fell simultaneously!
It wasn't killing anyone.
It is a weapon used for cutting.
"Clang clang clang clang—!!!"
The weapons in the hands of the five hundred assassins—swords, spears, halberds, axes, hooks, and forks—were all broken in two! The cuts were as clean as mirrors!
The entire room fell silent.
The assassins stood frozen, clutching their broken weapons.
-----------------------------------
The leader's breathing became heavy beneath his mask.
He stood up, taking a step that brought him three zhang (approximately 10 meters) in front of Kurumi, and formed a hand seal—
"Shadow Secret Technique: Nine Pythons Devouring the Sky!"
Nine giant pythons materialized from the shadows!
Kurumi didn't even lift its eyelids, and slashed through the air with its claws:
"Immortal Technique: Thunder Emperor's Treasure Technique: Palm Thunder".
"Crackling—!"
A bolt of purple lightning exploded from his palm, instantly piercing through the nine shadow pythons. Its residual power was undiminished, sending the leader flying backward, crashing into the throne, and shattering his mask into eight pieces.
It revealed the pimple-covered face underneath.
"As Lao Tzu said, wearing a mask for too long will cause acne."
Kurumi tossed him a bottle of acne cream, saying, "Remember to let your skin breathe next time."
The leader, clutching acne cream, sat amidst the ruins, questioning the meaning of life.
High above, the azure phoenix gracefully descended.
"Strong enough." His eyes burned with fighting spirit. "Let me try it too."
What's your ranking?
"second."
“Oh, then let’s use this move.” Kurumi clasped his hands together. “Sage Art—Reincarnation Treasure Technique: Time Reversal.”
It points to Qingfeng.
Qingfeng suddenly realized that her sword was gone.
No, it's not gone.
It has turned back into iron ore, still buried in the ground and not yet dug out.
He held the air, frozen in place.
"Do you want to continue?" Kurumi asked.
Qingfeng remained silent for three seconds.
"I concede."
He turned to face the five hundred assassins and said loudly:
"The rules for the Assassin Rankings are being revised starting today."
Article 1: It is forbidden to assign tasks to dogs.
Article 2: Working hours shall not exceed eight hours.
Article 3: Work-related injury claims can be made if a mission fails...
He was reading Kurumi's volume (labor law).
After reading it aloud, he looked at Kurumi and asked, "Are you satisfied now?"
"That'll do." Kurumi nodded. "Where's the cafeteria?"
-----------------------------------
I ate eight bowls of char siu rice in the cafeteria.
Kurumi patted her belly: "Perfect!"
Ah Qi didn't touch her chopsticks, staring at it: "Why are you helping me?"
"Because it's fun." Kurumi picked her teeth. "Look at you, you're clearly a fierce jerk, but you insist on pretending to be a fool and selling seafood. It's more entertaining than manipulating the charts."
It took out a Dao Crystal and placed it on the table.
"Here, take this."
Ah Qi took it; the crystal was warm.
"Hold on tight, and you'll remember everything—the good, the bad, the painful, the regretful."
Kurumi stared at him. "But remember, the memories are yours, and so are the choices. Don't let the past kill who you are now."
Ah Qi gripped the Dao Crystal tightly.
Close your eyes.
Three seconds later, he opened his eyes.
His eyes were as cold as knives.
"I remember now."
"And then?"
"Then--"
Ah Qi stood up. "I need to go settle some old scores."
He walked towards the door: "Master, please pass on my message—three days from now, at the Cliff of Broken Souls, I will end everything."
The figure disappeared.
Chicken Da Bao jumped up and down in a panic: "Ah Qi! Where are you going?!"
"Let him go," Kurumi stopped him. "Men always have to face their past."
It jumped off the table and stretched.
"I've finished my work too."
He took out dozens of Dao Crystals and threw them one by one to the assassins in the cafeteria—including the leader who was still applying acne cream and Qingfeng who was staring blankly at his empty hands.
"A souvenir. Holding it can heal wounds, cultivate oneself, and even... promote workplace harmony."
With her schoolbag on her back, her figure faded.
Qingfeng suddenly spoke up: "Will you come back?"
“Maybe.” Kurumi grinned. “I’ll come back and check on you guys once you’ve successfully reformed the assassin industry.”
As the white shadow dissipated, it took one last look at this world of assassins.
"Oh right, that 'Shadowless'—"
The leader raised his head.
What's your real name?
"...Situ Kong."
“Situ Kong, the name is acceptable.” It waved its paw. “Old Mo is wearing a mask, he’s really going to get pimples.”
The white figure vanished completely.
In the cafeteria, a group of assassins held Dao Crystals and looked at each other in bewilderment.
Qingfeng put away her empty hands (the sword hadn't been dug out of the ground yet) and walked to the window.
-----------------------------------
In the distance, Ah Qi's figure had become a black dot.
And beyond the world.
Kurumi turned to the next book.
(Soul Town Street)
“The Land of the Dead…” Its eyes lit up.
"If I go over there, I should run into a lot of 'old acquaintances,' right?"